Minnetonka Moccasin

Now, the moccasin may be “sneakily stylish” if you’re Nina or a western Sydney bogan. This season sees wedge-heeled and crepe-soled moccasins in our stores, hybridised with brogues and pumps. It’s making for some interesting outcomes. Some of these shoes look comfortable, but are not. Others look ugly as sin, but seem to wear quite well. Some don’t know quite know what they want to be, and end up being not much at all.

While Nina believes that moccasins are “worn by laid-back girls who want to flaunt that I’m-not-trying-too-hard-look”, I believe a sloppy moccasin says more “I’m-not-trying-at-all”.

If ballet flats aren’t enough for you, maybe try a sleek brogue. Even when well-worn and scuffed, a brogue manages to look great as a flat shoe. A moccasin is just one step sideways from that pair of Grosby slippers your grandfather wore, and are definitely nowhere near my One Hundred.

Mary-Janes

If ever there was a good reason for using “OMG” here, mary-janes are it.

My MJ love goes way, way back to when I was just starting school, and I had The Best red patent mary-jane flats in the history of red patent mary-janes. I wore them everywhere I could. I wore them until they had holes in the soles. And then I kept wearing them. I literally loved those shoes to death.

I still have a couple of mary-janes, which I am also going to love to death, and my favourite are black Campers. Poor things. They don’t know what’s in store for them.

Nina points to Manolo Blahnik’s Campari mary-janes as The M-Js, the famous “urban shoe myth”, and that they are best in patent, and that the strap must be thin.

I don’t necessarily agree with all that (not that I’d knock back a pair of Camparis), because for me it’s all about proportion. My Camper MJs have a thick heel and a round toe, and therefore a thick strap looks best – a thin strap would look out of place.

However, I would also add that like Manolo’s, the strap should be mid-to-low so that it doesn’t cut your foot up too much. Ankle-straps do not mary-janes make, so don’t get conned by poor labelling. The number of shoes I see online marked as mary-janes that are not, out-number the shoes which actually are the real deal. Accept no substitute!

I wore a pair of pointy-toed, kitten-heeled, thin-strapped black patent MJs out to dinner a few years back. A friend expressed admiration, but said they were a bit fierce. I said, “Fierce? These are mary-janes!” She responded, “Yes, but they’re bitches’ mary-janes.”

Yeah. Yeah, they were. And they were excellent.

Kaftan

Hey! I missed “Kaftan”!

Nina puts a kaftan in her One Hundred, and I’m inclined to agree, although a kaftan could be any pool- side dress or throw-on beachwear dress, with a bit of shoulder coverage, which doesn’t mind a bit of salt or sunscreen, which doesn’t look out of place in a hotel lobby.

And I do mean dress. Not a long top, tunic or otherwise. Something that goes a little more than a centimetre past your arse, please, people. (Have to say, tops as dresses seems fast becoming de rigeur amongst the skankniscenti around these parts. It’s all I can do to stop myself from calling out, “Hey! You forgot your pants!” And remember, folks – you may be sharing a seat on the train with these misguided fools).

The kaftan should be cool, loose, colourful and comfortable, and should still look ok after being stuffed in your beach bag. Like many of the items in the One Hundred, it should be something you don’t have to think about – you just grab it and throw it on. You’re on holiday, after all.