Lingerie

My first reaction was: right, as if I’d go commando.

As I read through Nina’s chapter, however, I discovered that she was talking about frilly frippery. The sort you can’t wear under anything without it showing. The sort that is uncomfortable and scratchy and must match at all times. The sort which is expensive and which sits at the back of the undies drawer while the rest of the less exotic gear gets on with day-to-day life.

Camisole? Yes, but please not under blazers and jackets as suggested by Nina. Undies as outies is so 80s, and frankly a bit trashy for the office.

Silk slip? Yes, OK. Silk-y, maybe. No reason it has to be silk.

Negligee? Nah. A slinky nightie from Peter Alexander will do just as well without the somewhat laughable earnestness which can accompany such frivolous items.

Silk stockings because they drive men wild? Don’t know about men, but they’d certainly do my head in.

There are very stylish women out there who wear proper, trussed-up frilly lingerie every day as a matter of course and love it dearly. I am not one of them. Give me Bonds, Jockey and Ambré. Give me t-shirt bras and biniki briefs in lycra and cotton, give me invisibility and comfort. This doesn’t mean it has to be frumpy granny knickers and wide straps with iron clasps suitable for comrades toiling for the glory of the Motherland, either. Fine Lines, for instance, make glamourous and luxurious basics which are functional and beautiful AND comfortable. Some people find basics boring, but I never find sleek comfort dull.

I really don’t need frills and spills to feel sexy or glamourous. A good pair of heels is enough for that, and a great lumpy VPL won’t do at all. Bridget Jones understood that wearing big granny knickers was a sure way to use Murphy’s Law to her own advantage. I’ll bet she wasn’t wrenching them out of her arse all evening, either.

Frilly lingerie doesn’t even make it into my Two Hundred, let alone One Hundred.

Leather Pants

Yes, you read right: Leather pants.

Now, if everyone wore them, leather pants could single-handedly keep the talcum industry afloat for years. I’m pretty sure there’d be more demand for Lamasil, too.

Jim Morrison, Susie Quattro, Michael Hutchence, Keith Richards. These people can (could) wear leather pants. These people are rock stars.

If you are not a rock star or real fashionista, don’t. Just don’t. Please. If you want the shiny without the squeaky and sweaty, go for something like Sass and Bide Rats, which are fabulous even though I would look awful in them (hell, I can’t even wear skinny jeans).

No. Just, no.

Knee Boots

Nina and I are back to being in complete agreement! Knee-high boots are as essential as white t-shirts and jeans. They go under skirts of all lengths, under trousers, under or over jeans and under capris. They show a bit of knee, but not the whole leg. They keep your legs dry and warm. They’re dressy and casual all at once. They instantly add style. I have a few pairs of flat and heeled knee-high boots, and they all get decent use in the winter months. I would be lost without them.

Again, fit is everything. Aside from the length, width and arch fitting, if the boot bags excessively around the ankle and isn’t a slouchy boot, then it’s no good. If it’s too tight or too floppy around the calf, it’s no good (shoe makers like Benelli and Duo Boots will make boots for different calf widths).

Love, love, love knee-high boots.

Khakis

By “khakis”, Nina means tan casual pants. Again with the preppy. Again, totally not me. However, some kind of trousery thing that’s somewhere between suit trousers and jeans is definitely required.

In the place of khakis, I would put capri pants. I wear these every other day in summer, and even have a tailored pair which can go to the office. My capris aren’t the polyester, elastic waisted, permanent press type of things you sometimes see which are basically elongated shorts. I have them in black tailored and cuffed, black wide with wrap waist, denim wide with wrap waist, denim straight, dark khaki cargo-like (think Sass & Bide Crackerjacs), and light blue straight fine twill. All of these get decent wear over summer, and sometimes into winter with boots.

Crackerjacs are the cargos

of the capri world

(or the capris of the cargo world?)

By the way, don’t let anyone tell you that short legs mean no capris. It’s nonsense, because it’s all about proportion, cut and styling. I have really short legs, and I can wear slim tailored capris easily, and can wear them with heels or heeled knee-high boots or ballet flats and cropped jackets and still look in proportion and fine. They don’t “cut my legs off”. When you have people asking where you got that item of clothing (and they’re not screwing their face up!), you know that for sure you’re doing something right.

Jewellery Pouches

I mustn’t have much jewellery, because I’ve never had an issue with having or not having jewellery pouches. I have a few pouches in satin and felt, but I’ve never encountered any problems for the lack of one, even when travelling. I mean, really, an old sock can keep your necklace from tangling or getting chipped. It will look horrible on the dresser, but it will do.

Jeans

What did we wear before there were jeans?

If there’s one single item of clothing to thank the USA for, jeans are it. So, is there a perfect jean? For everyone? No. For you? Yes. And Nina hits the nail right on the head:

“Fit is everything”

Pay no attention to the brand, pay next to no attention to the marked size, don’t worry about the style. Don’t use the price as an indicator of anything important. If the the blogs or fashion mags tell you that Nobody jeans are the Best Ever Jeans or that J Brand are the only jeans to wear right now, ignore them. Fit is everything.

Nina shows remarkable resilience, stating that you might try on twenty or thirty jeans before finding your “perfect” jean (which she still expects will need some tailoring… and yes, nearly all my jeans are shortened). Thirty! I think after about 10 unsuccessful tries I would be a blubbering mess burried under a mountain of ill-fitting denim, wondering if I was somehow grossly deformed and pining for a strong drink.

Finding jeans to fit can be a ghastly struggle. You’ll exercise the strength of a weight-lifter, the suppleness of a gymnast, the endurance of a distance runner, the calm focus of a shooter. Gird your loins before you start out. I recommend wearing comfortable shoes and downing an espresso or two.

I’m a wide-leg jeans wearer. Skinny jeans do me no favours whatsoever, but they look fantastic on the right figure. Straight or slim leg jeans work for me, too, but I prefer they have a little stretch for comfort. I’m very happy with the range of jeans on offer right now. At one point, it was all straight-leg, then the skinny rage started and every jean was skinny (I bought no jeans for ages). Right now, just about everything is out there – skinny, slim, straight, boot cut, wide, slouch, trouser, boyfriend, cuffed, flare, high waist, mid-rise, low rise, dark, white, black, grey, distressed, you name it. If you find a good pair, buy a few if you can (see Discontinued). You won’t regret it.

It would be a very unique One Hundred which didn’t included jeans.

Footnote

Every fashion cycle has its ugly bit. These ugly bits attract avid fans and rabid detractors alike. Balloon skirts, white lipstick, oversized shoulder pads, wide lapels, hypercolour t-shirts … they might all have seemed good ideas at the time, but they weren’t. Fun, sure! Good, no.

Today’s ugly bit is “jeggings”, denim leggings styled as jeans. Denim leggings are not jeans and look bloody awful on anyone over 14 years old or 45 kilos. Yes, they do. Really. Leggings are not pants, and no amount of styling will make them so. If you like them, you’re probably thinking “ZOMG!!1! I heart jeggings!!!" You need to take a good picture of yourself in them and then keep that picture. In less than ten years’ time you will look at that picture and feel deeply mortified at the extent of your folly, and the realisation that this is what everyone else saw except you. Sorry.)

iPod

The last time I checked, “iPod” was Apple Corporation’s name for their MP3/media player. I do have an iPod, but I find that my MP3 player-come-flashdrive is more useful. It charges off a USB, loads up with very straight-forward software, only plays music, and is very, very small. My iPod is quite heavy, really needs to be plugged in to charge up properly, plays music and video, and loads up using a thinly-disguised storefront called “iTunes”, which has to be one of crappiest pieces of software I have ever used (google “iTunes sucks” and read the many, many reasons why it’s rubbish).

The iPod goes with me on long trips simply so I can watch video, but the MP3 flashdrive is my commute companion.

Regardless, an MP3 player does not make my One Hundred. My mobile phone plays music and has a radio, so it covers all those bases in any case.

I have a hard time considering an MP3 player as a fashion item. That’s just a bit, well, sad, really.

Investment Bag

Hmmm… Nina infers that the following bags will only cost “a few weeks’ salary”:

1. The Chanel 2.55
2. Louis Vuitton Speedy
3. Gucci Jackie O
4. Hermés Birkin

If only!

Now, I like all these bags, and would have all these if I could. BUT. Is any one of these a must-have? Is my wardrobe painfully incomplete without one of these?

It’s hard to say.

I’ve never had one, and then had to do without it, so it’s likely I don’t know what I’m missing. Aside from maybe the Birkin, I really can’t imagine using any one of those bags an awful lot.

The Hermès Birkin. Holy grail or wholly unattainable?

Probably both!

There are so many choices out there these days, that it’s easy to get swept up in the moment, and make mistakes. This isn’t necessarily a completely bad thing, as mistakes are learning opportunities.

In a wardrobe, one of the key indicators of a mistake is lack of use. A bag, for instance, not only needs to look great, it needs to be functional and it needs to work very hard by going with just about everything and going just about anywhere. If it’s not being used, it’s not what you needed.

I wish I could get away with just one satchel I could use summer and winter and wherever I went, but my life and my moods are not really suited to that, and I’m certainly no longer a student. So, I’ll lay it all out here. I have about 5 handbags I use heavily:

1. a midnight blue Elk bowler which I think is practically perfect
2. a black Sportscraft “Evie” hobo (‘nuff said)
3. a black Mulberry Bayswater which is an ideal bag for work
4. a grey Chloe Paddington which is an ideal weekend bag, casual but beautiful
5. a black Country Road messenger which is perfect for when I need to move about and keep my hands free, and which often goes travelling with me.

The Baysie gets a lot of use winter workdays, the hobo gets used most winter weekends, the Elk bowler gets used most summer workdays, the Paddy gets used most summer weekends.

I have about 5 other assorted bags which get picked at a whim and used heavily for a week or two before I go back to one of the first five. Any of the First Five are the ones I would miss the most, and not one is even close to the four Nina lists.

I’ll admit that the Bayswater and Paddington could be termed “investment” bags, (they were bought as “rewards” for insane workloads because holidays were out of the question. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it). They certainly work very hard, but not too much harder than the other non-“investment” bags which have, at one time or other, been used daily for months or years on end. I do expect them to last much longer than the other bags.

So, does an “Investment Bag” make my One Hundred? Nah, not really. It doesn’t matter if a bag has some sort of iconic style status and a huge price tag. It might help, but it’s not essential. What is essential is that it works in every way it needs to. And works and works and works.

For handbags, I need a hobo, a messenger and a tote. They’re my three essentials (don’t make me choose).

Hoop Earrings

If you’ve missed the news –hoop earrings are back! And if you’ve really been missing the news, yes, they were out for a while, apparently.

However, refinement is the key to wearing hoops successfully, and I agree with Nina’s statement that, to paraphrase, large+thin=funky, small+chunky=sophisticated, large+thick=NO.

Hoops look great with jeans or cocktail dresses, and come in all sizes. I have a short neck, so there’s a limit to how big my hoops can be, and I like them either plain silver or with a row of diamonds (or closest fascimile!). They make a dramatic addition to your dress without any frou-frou or fussiness. I like ‘em. I should definitely wear them more!

Hobo Bag

Nina describes the hobo bag as a “perfect everyday bag”, and it does have a lot going for it. A hobo has one handle or strap to be swung over a shoulder, plenty of room, and thousands of different stylish interpretations. From Gucci classic to sew-your-own fabric versions, there’s a hobo for just about any occasion.

In that montage in The Devil Wears Prada, when Miranda Priestly dumps a daily bag and coat combination on Andy’s desk, how many of those bags are hobos? (I don’t know this - it’s an actual question! I think many of them are, however).

Not as fiddly as a satchel, not as bulky as a tote, more flexible than a frame bag (it’s Super-bag!) a hobo is never “placed” it is flung. I only have one hobo, when it’s being used, it gets used a lot.

I don’t have a million dollars-worth of bags, but I have a few handbags “on rotation” – I’m not a one-bag-to-rule-them-alll type of person. There’s the big black work tote, the soft washed-grey weekend tote, the hands-free messenger for when I’m out and about and busy, but the hobo is one of the most handy.

If you don’t have a hobo bag, why not?