Jeans

What did we wear before there were jeans?

If there’s one single item of clothing to thank the USA for, jeans are it. So, is there a perfect jean? For everyone? No. For you? Yes. And Nina hits the nail right on the head:

“Fit is everything”

Pay no attention to the brand, pay next to no attention to the marked size, don’t worry about the style. Don’t use the price as an indicator of anything important. If the the blogs or fashion mags tell you that Nobody jeans are the Best Ever Jeans or that J Brand are the only jeans to wear right now, ignore them. Fit is everything.

Nina shows remarkable resilience, stating that you might try on twenty or thirty jeans before finding your “perfect” jean (which she still expects will need some tailoring… and yes, nearly all my jeans are shortened). Thirty! I think after about 10 unsuccessful tries I would be a blubbering mess burried under a mountain of ill-fitting denim, wondering if I was somehow grossly deformed and pining for a strong drink.

Finding jeans to fit can be a ghastly struggle. You’ll exercise the strength of a weight-lifter, the suppleness of a gymnast, the endurance of a distance runner, the calm focus of a shooter. Gird your loins before you start out. I recommend wearing comfortable shoes and downing an espresso or two.

I’m a wide-leg jeans wearer. Skinny jeans do me no favours whatsoever, but they look fantastic on the right figure. Straight or slim leg jeans work for me, too, but I prefer they have a little stretch for comfort. I’m very happy with the range of jeans on offer right now. At one point, it was all straight-leg, then the skinny rage started and every jean was skinny (I bought no jeans for ages). Right now, just about everything is out there – skinny, slim, straight, boot cut, wide, slouch, trouser, boyfriend, cuffed, flare, high waist, mid-rise, low rise, dark, white, black, grey, distressed, you name it. If you find a good pair, buy a few if you can (see Discontinued). You won’t regret it.

It would be a very unique One Hundred which didn’t included jeans.

Footnote

Every fashion cycle has its ugly bit. These ugly bits attract avid fans and rabid detractors alike. Balloon skirts, white lipstick, oversized shoulder pads, wide lapels, hypercolour t-shirts … they might all have seemed good ideas at the time, but they weren’t. Fun, sure! Good, no.

Today’s ugly bit is “jeggings”, denim leggings styled as jeans. Denim leggings are not jeans and look bloody awful on anyone over 14 years old or 45 kilos. Yes, they do. Really. Leggings are not pants, and no amount of styling will make them so. If you like them, you’re probably thinking “ZOMG!!1! I heart jeggings!!!" You need to take a good picture of yourself in them and then keep that picture. In less than ten years’ time you will look at that picture and feel deeply mortified at the extent of your folly, and the realisation that this is what everyone else saw except you. Sorry.)